this is why i can’t sleep at night

1 Sep

i had just settled in for a relaxing evening complete with tater tots and diet root beer when i heard in the distance

chirp.

chirp.

i muted the television, the boyfriend stuck his head out of the office door.

we looked at each other.

chirp.

chirp.

“babe, i think the batteries are dead in the smoke detector,” i said

chirp.

“we’ll take a look when i’m off work,” replied the boyfriend.

chirp.

chirp.

i turned the volume up.

chirp.

was the chirp getting louder just to piss me off?  it was grating on my nerves.

i took woodford pup for a walk to hedge the ensuing insanity.

when i came back inside the chirp had ceased.

thank goodness.

i turned the tv on to catch-up with some real housewives.

CHIRP.

nice.

i decided to see if there was anything i could do before the boyfriend was finished with work.

i couldn’t find the smoke detector.

chirp.

it wasn’t coming from the one in the living room.

it was coming from the back bedroom area.

chirp.

i looked up, and didn’t see anything.

i checked the bathroom and the closet.

chirp.

nada.

i looked back in the bedroom.

if you crook your neck at 90 degree angle and look just past the moving fan, nestled in what is easily a 20+ ft ceiling…

chirp.

a smoke detector.

ALL THE WAY UP THERE.

i informed the boyfriend that this beast would not go down lightly.

chirp.

upon further inspection, we made a couple phone calls in search of a ladder.

at 10 pm, the boyfriend left the house in pursuit of said ladder.

chirp. chirp. chirp. chirp.

45 minutes later, we were maneuvering the ladder into the bedroom.

chirp.

pardon the color of the walls – they’re a very neutral taupey “cashmere” – this light has our room looking yellow.

i’m scared of heights, and apparently so is the boyfriend.

this was intense.

chirp.

the boyfriend cautiously removed the battery.

chirp.

how is it still chirping without a battery?

if you remember this episode, then you’re my kind of people.

how do smoke detectors work???

chirp.

quick, we need another battery.

chirp.

i scoured the house for a battery.

nada.

chirp.

it was easily 11 pm

the boyfriend, very tiredly, left the house for the second time that evening in search for a battery.

i laid on the bed.

chirp.

and gazed up at the ceiling.

trying to rationalize why you would put a smoke detector in such a precarious position.

chirp.

after half an hour I had decided the boyfriend had sought out a quieter sleeping structure for the night.

or the rite aide was already closed, and he had to make the dreaded trek to the wal-mart.

chirp.

and as i lay there praying for the chirping to cease…

…what…in the….H…eeee…double hockey sticks….

ew.

those fan blades are growing a winter coat.

chirp.

i don’t claim to be a domestic goddess.

and this fan is never “off” so it’s not like i would typically notice

…and it’s not like you come here to read about cleaning tips.

but don’t fear, i wiped those babies down while waiting on the boyfriend to return.

i’ve got the sneezes to prove it.

chirp.

my knight with alkaline wielding power arrived back to the homestead.

and it only took us another 30 minutes to figure out how to put the battery back in.

i don’t date the boyfriend for his super handyman powers, clearly.

i date him because he is willing to climb tall ladders.  and run errands at 11 o’clock at night.

i probably would have put a for-sale sign up and slept at my grandma’s.

ladders are scary ya’ll.

 

 

 

 

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