barking spider infestation

29 Jun

the boyfriend and i have been dating nine months.

at some point it became accepted, even admired at times, to do what should be done behind closed doors… in front of each other.

no. not those closed doors.

the other ones.  the bathroom.

i’m talking about cutting the cheese.  barking spiders.  flatulence.  butt bubbles.  the one cheek sneak.


yes.  i’ve dropped to a new low discussing this.

but honestly, at what point in any relationship does it become acceptable and “ok” to just let ‘er rip?  and is it ever ok to aim?  seriously.  i draw the line when it comes to aiming the cannons in a specific direction in order to offend someone.  ew.

i’m an only child, a female, and i grew up surrounded by females, so i have always been more reserved when it came to barking spiders.  however, the boyfriend has two brothers and i can only assume that flatulence has been and always will be funny to them.

the boyfriend’s nephew is just learning what a fart is.  when he’s gassy he giggles and proclaims he “fot-ted” and it’s the cutest thing ever.

when opie-dog farts he jumps off the couch and looks at his butt.  and it’s the cutest/funniest thing ever.

at some point it became acceptable for the boyfriend and i not to care who passed gas when while we’re at home.  i must say, though, i still feel the need to prelude my offense with a warning.

you might think it’s disgusting.  heck, sometimes i think it’s disgusting.  unless you’re under the age of 5 or a dog.  then it’s always funny.

there’s something to be said about reaching a point in a relationship where barking spiders are carrying on a conversation.

how many friends do you have that you would feel comfortable enough casually passing gas in front of?

i’m assuming not many, otherwise i doubt those friends actually like  you.

you’ve definitely made it as a couple when nobody jumps off the couch and runs to the other room after an air attack.

bonus points if you have a dog that looks at your butt and tilts his head questioningly.

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