this may or may not have happened

22 Jun

hypothetically speaking, i want to tell you a story that may or may not be true.

truthfully speaking, i can’t believe this may or may not have happened this weekend.

i want to speak delicately, and hypothetically, as well as truthfully.  i’m coming from a place of humor.  a place of, “man, you gotta love this lady, because this was so comical/possibly humiliating/if i didn’t love these people i would never talk to them again” – that is IF this happened…actually…it happened to a friend.  yeah.  a friend.

the protagonist in our story was visiting her boyfriend’s parents for a father’s day cookout.  everyone was supposedly sitting around the table outside shooting the hypothetical shit.

the antagonist in our little story, the mother, leaned over and asked our hero what size pants she wore.  without hesitation, she replied.  and because this is a hypothetical story that may or may not actually be true, i might be able to fudge the numbers and tell you that she said a size 4.  ha.

the mother then waved the unsuspecting young lady into a spare bedroom to look through a box of very meticulously ironed and folded old clothes.

the mother pulled out in great pride a pair of bermuda? walking shorts? that were a shade of peach.  as well as a matching silk knit top.

as stunning as they were, it was not our leading lady’s style.  but no amount of protest would matter.  it was insisted that she try the outfit on.

i want to make a point right here and now in order not to offend any LOL’s (little old ladies) who may or may not be reading this.

i love old people.  seriously.  one day i hope to be a spitting image of this one:

but i’ve got 74.5 years to work on being that awesome.  until then i refuse to wear bermuda shorts that start from my bust and end below my knees.

that is IF this story was about me, and IF it actually happened.

if the story were about me, i probably would have tried the outfit on to humor the mother, and in order to keep the story going, our leading lady did just that.  she then laughed at herself in the mirror and began to take the whole thing off when the mother requested to see it on.

oh lawdy.

she hiked the shorts back up, the zipper stopping just below the breast, and pulled the shirt back over her head.  the shirt, which was shorter than it was wide, stopped somewhere above the belly button.

this is the basic idea

the mother proclaimed she looked nice.  yes.  i wonder what the boyfriend would think if she started dressing exactly like his mother.

our leading lady laughed it off and politely refused the clothes stating that it was not an outfit she would be sporting anytime soon.

before she could change two other people laid eyewitness to the outfit in question.  one looked on questioningly and said she looked like maybe she was going golfing.  the brother of the boyfriend was the other eyewitness who looked surprised before hanging his head and not saying a word.  smart man.  maybe i should have done the same…er…if this story was mine.

i wish i could say this didn’t happen.  it was quite embarrassing, probably…i mean to whomever it happened to.

i know if you’re reading this you have a great stinking suspicion that this story is about me.  and if you were there when this story happened, i hope you know this story was all in good fun.  it’s probably happened to you or your wife before.  if not…it could.

that may be my story.  but i’m pleading the 5th on this one.

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