what i’d really like to say

16 Feb

is that the boyfriend and i had a quiet evening alone with the doggy and cat as we got caught up on this week’s episode of the bachelor

but i can’t say that.

i can say that the boyfriend’s mother invited herself over for the evening.

i would like to say that my house was as clean as a whistle and said dog didn’t have a poopie accident while i was away at work.

i would like to say that i do dishes as i use them, seeing as i live alone and how many dishes could one person use, anyways???  (two sinkfuls, some counterspace full, and a dishwasher full to be exact…hypothetically(i would like to say that those dishes in the dishwasher are clean, though…hypothetically)).

i would like to say that my bed was made, that the closet cleaning that had commenced the prior weekend prompted in 3 garbage bags full of goodwill donations to be removed from my room.

i would like to say that the spare bathroom had toilet paper.

because i cannot say any of the above, i cannot say that i came home, put on a pot of coffee, lit a candle, poured a glass of bourbon for the dear boyfriend and welcomed the surprise guests with a house smelling of freshly baking chocolate chip cookies and then sat down to a game of apples to apples for 2 hours laughing all the while.

i was warned 3 minutes prior to getting home from work that mother was coming.  i immediately picked up doggy poop.  i immediately sprayed air freshener.  i immediately took doggy out for a walk.  he peed.  he peed a good pee.  he shouldn’t have needed to pee for 4 more hours.  he probably could hold it for 10.  i came back inside to straighten the couch and coffee table. i cleared what i could of the kitchen table.  i stacked more dishes into the sink and cringed as breakables slid around before magically landing in an impossible balancing act.

i lit a candle.  i fed the dog.  i opened the door to my boyfriend who had packed his car full of things to move over to my place.  OUR place.  i helped boyfriend unload the car.  i put boxes and bags around….the other boxes and bags.  my closet cleaning efforts with goodwill donations still lying around, were now laying amongst boyfriend’s moving in items…hopefully they don’t get confused…”hopefully.”

i kissed the boyfriend.  i asked when mom would arrive.  after mom and dad finish dinner.  glad someone has time for dinner.  i vacuumed.  i swept toilet paperless bathroom.  i sniffed the cat box.  i sprayed more air freshener.  i then declared i needed wine.  boyfriend drove to liquor store and purchased their finest $8 bottle.  it’s actually my favorite.  i drank.  boyfriend sipped.  bottle all gone.  within an hour.

i would like to say that mom was just curious about her son’s new living arrangements and it was just a quick drop-in.

i would like to say the wine had mellowed me out and i was quick with the one-liners.

i would like to say that mom and dad didn’t notice the hole doggy chewed in the carpet when he was still a pup, even though cat tried her best to lay on it the rest of the night (that’s my girl).

i would like to say doggy didn’t sense the nervous energy in the air, lift a leg, and pee…while everyone watches…like it was an act…like he was getting a treat after wards.

i would like to say that mom didn’t pull out her measuring tape to see what furniture i could move elsewhere to suit her  tastes.

i would like to say i wasn’t offered a single blue lamp from the junk room.

i would like to say that the whole bottle of wine didn’t affect me a few hours later while i was laying in bed.

i can say, however, the boyfriend is moving in this weekend.  there’s lots to do…er clean.  i’m preparing for lots of surprise visits.  i’m buying a case of wine.

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